Doubt

I have doubts…

I doubt I am doing enough for the Kingdom.

I doubt I understand the Gospel correctly or completely,

I doubt I really feel the way I feel about Jesus.

I doubt I am good enough for God to save me.

I doubt my sincerity when I do what I know is right.

I doubt I do much that is pleasing to God.

I doubt God is willing to forgive me.

I doubt God.  I must.  Otherwise why do I feel my life is spinning out of control?

I doubt this was worth writing.

I do believe; help my unbelief.  Mark 9:24 NASB

Today’s Struggle

I struggle with this life.   If we are honest, I believe we admit that we all do.  There are days that I call good days, but they appear to be only those days when I convince myself to ignore the bad that exists in those days.  Why cannot I conquer the evil that lives within me?  Why can’t I enjoy the occasional victory – rest on my laurels a while?

 

I have a book, The Christian in Complete Armour, by William Gurnall, who says it best (somewhat paraphrased, but found on page 133 of Volume 1):

You are a wrestler, not a conquerer. Take comfort in the fact that you are a wrestler. Christ is the Conquerer, and upon our death, Christ will strike the winning blow.

 

Gurnall further states that as we wrestle, there will be days when we gain ground, and days when we lose ground.  Every day, however, we get up and enter the battle afresh, for our Lord and Savior’s Glory.  Gurnall wrote these words in 1655 AD.

 

Ecclesiastes 1:9 says

What has been will be again,
       what has been done will be done again;
       there is nothing new under the sun.”

 

Today seems to be a day of losing ground.  A dear friend, trying to get pregnant, found out today that she is not. Another dear friend, with a wife and three children, was told his services are no longer required in our company.  A record sales month on my team was reduced to a dismal sales month by an accounting technicality.

 

It’s not at all fair.  Nothing anyone says will convince me that any of this is fair. 

 

However, God is on His throne.  This I know.  As I wrestle with myself, with my sin nature, I cling to this fact.  My Lord sits at His Right Hand.  God knows what is happening, and God is fully capable of using it to His Glory.  That is, after all, our highest calling, to bring Glory to God. 

 

I will make peace with the day.  It will take me a while, but not nearly as long a while as it used to.  Praise God!  Bring Glory to Yourself through all of this! Amen!

 

- Cliff